Jumbled thoughts...
Jan. 20th, 2004 09:18 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ferineWent to bed in a decidedly odd mood. Felt somehow off. Forehead and cheeks felt feverishly hot and I tossed and turned. Could not for the life of me stop thinking paranoid thoughts. Finally surrendered to sleep and sensed myself slipping into a nightmare. In the dream I sketched an HR Giger alien and willed myself to become it. I lunged at and attacked whatever was upsetting me in the dream, essentially steering the dream from being a nightmare.
There's a lingering sense of offness upon waking. I don't know why. Snow is falling softly, all is white and cold outside. I should be crying with joy yet my soul is quiet.
I've been thinking about a blur of subjects, one of which is: at what age do most animal folk give up on being a "Were", and does it necessarily mean they weren't really animal people for a given time?
I've seen and continue to see so may people between the ages of 13-23 suddenly discover their animalness through others or through the net, and burn brightly on the subject for four, sometimes even six or seven, years. Then they "grow up" and turn to other interests. I've seen it less with the older crowd, though many in the older crowd raise families, hold jobs, own houses, and are likewise busy with life, stable and balanced. The animalness hasn't been forgotten, it's integrated.
I realize that priorities, perspective, developmental stages, and opportunities at various ages are different.
Why can't some people who feel they are a wolf at thirteen but not at eighteen be genuine?
Human beings go through so many changes and reinventions throughout a lifetime. Why not our animalness?
On the other paw...
I don't feel a connection to the modern "Were" community, which has become a youth-oriented "scene" much like "goth". Don't get me wrong, I have friends of all ages. I don't feel comfortable hanging out with a bunch of 15 year olds, or even 20 year olds, because of the experiences I've had with people of those age groups and years of observation.
There are exceptions, and I consider many younger folk my closest friends. By the above I'm referring to the majority, NOT my friends.
Despite my disassociation with the "new Were frontier" there is part of me that yearns for the connection of old found in ahww '95-'97, hence my joy at finding so many old ahww folk here on LJ!
That old ahww experience is gone. Now fairy/werewolf/tabby cat/griffons are the norm, a lexicon of new terminology and labels exist, and those in the "scene" are bitchier and pickier than ever. Not to mention more conceited.
Erf.
There's a lingering sense of offness upon waking. I don't know why. Snow is falling softly, all is white and cold outside. I should be crying with joy yet my soul is quiet.
I've been thinking about a blur of subjects, one of which is: at what age do most animal folk give up on being a "Were", and does it necessarily mean they weren't really animal people for a given time?
I've seen and continue to see so may people between the ages of 13-23 suddenly discover their animalness through others or through the net, and burn brightly on the subject for four, sometimes even six or seven, years. Then they "grow up" and turn to other interests. I've seen it less with the older crowd, though many in the older crowd raise families, hold jobs, own houses, and are likewise busy with life, stable and balanced. The animalness hasn't been forgotten, it's integrated.
I realize that priorities, perspective, developmental stages, and opportunities at various ages are different.
Why can't some people who feel they are a wolf at thirteen but not at eighteen be genuine?
Human beings go through so many changes and reinventions throughout a lifetime. Why not our animalness?
On the other paw...
I don't feel a connection to the modern "Were" community, which has become a youth-oriented "scene" much like "goth". Don't get me wrong, I have friends of all ages. I don't feel comfortable hanging out with a bunch of 15 year olds, or even 20 year olds, because of the experiences I've had with people of those age groups and years of observation.
There are exceptions, and I consider many younger folk my closest friends. By the above I'm referring to the majority, NOT my friends.
Despite my disassociation with the "new Were frontier" there is part of me that yearns for the connection of old found in ahww '95-'97, hence my joy at finding so many old ahww folk here on LJ!
That old ahww experience is gone. Now fairy/werewolf/tabby cat/griffons are the norm, a lexicon of new terminology and labels exist, and those in the "scene" are bitchier and pickier than ever. Not to mention more conceited.
Erf.
