Quil! (and cat lovers in general)
Mar. 9th, 2009 03:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ferineI was looking at Capall Bann's publishing site and found this article. I thought you might find it amusing (not in a snarky way; in good fun):
The Creation of Humans by Julia Day & Sheba
The great Goddess Bast who was (of course) perfect created the cat, who was and is, (of course), perfect. And she created mice and small birds, so that they had food and fun chasing them.
But later, much later, she also invented the tin. And the tin was wonderful. For it contained tuna and salmon. But, the tin, unlike the cat, was not perfect, for the tin could not be opened with paws. And therefore, Bast created the human. For, the human had paws that could open tins. And the humans also could invent things like central heating and keep it maintained and so Bast smiled and saw that it was good and that humans had their uses.
And cats came to smile upon humans also and to love them. And so, they gave them their purrs and their warm furriness and the humans, (at least, the pleasant and intelligent ones) found themselves well pleased.
But some humans, (being not cats and therefore not perfect) did not understand this and began to mistake their role in the Universe. And they became misguided and thought that their role was other than to open tins and work central heating. And with that, came a great hole in the understanding of humans, so that they felt hollow and empty and the worst even forgot to worship cats. But we must attempt to forgive them, for being not cats, they are not perfect and cannot help themselves.
But most of all, we must learn to avoid the damaged humans. Those that would harm us, for this world does contain impure and imperfect creatures and there are even humans so impure that they would try to hurt a cat.
But, there are some who rest between these groups and it is a service to the Universe to train and save them, if possible.
We may train these humans by sitting on the laps of those who claim that they do not love us, so that they may realise their terrible error and come at last to a realisation of their True place in this Universe.
Especially, we must work upon those men who claim not to like cats, for therein lies the route to many homes and hearts and tins. Once you have passed the threshold of their ignorance, we may educate household after household further.
And when we have enslaved the men, so that despite repeating, "I do not like cats", they find themselves loving us, we may rejoice. For we have brought the light to a poor species, one that lacks fur, whiskers and even a tail and is ridiculous at catching mice and we have made it feel, if only for an instant, what it is like to be Truly loved by the Real Creatress of the Universe.
Afterward, you can of course, totally ignore them.
A useful tip:
If your humans are substandard with the central heating, do implant the thought that a burst water pipe costs far more than the few miserly pounds that heating the house well will cost them in order to avoid trouble. The best time to plant this thought is when they are asleep, or about to go to sleep, for then they are fractionally close to the lower levels below cats' magical under-standing. It is also a good time to make them get up and switch the heating back on again.
The Creation of Humans by Julia Day & Sheba
The great Goddess Bast who was (of course) perfect created the cat, who was and is, (of course), perfect. And she created mice and small birds, so that they had food and fun chasing them.
But later, much later, she also invented the tin. And the tin was wonderful. For it contained tuna and salmon. But, the tin, unlike the cat, was not perfect, for the tin could not be opened with paws. And therefore, Bast created the human. For, the human had paws that could open tins. And the humans also could invent things like central heating and keep it maintained and so Bast smiled and saw that it was good and that humans had their uses.
And cats came to smile upon humans also and to love them. And so, they gave them their purrs and their warm furriness and the humans, (at least, the pleasant and intelligent ones) found themselves well pleased.
But some humans, (being not cats and therefore not perfect) did not understand this and began to mistake their role in the Universe. And they became misguided and thought that their role was other than to open tins and work central heating. And with that, came a great hole in the understanding of humans, so that they felt hollow and empty and the worst even forgot to worship cats. But we must attempt to forgive them, for being not cats, they are not perfect and cannot help themselves.
But most of all, we must learn to avoid the damaged humans. Those that would harm us, for this world does contain impure and imperfect creatures and there are even humans so impure that they would try to hurt a cat.
But, there are some who rest between these groups and it is a service to the Universe to train and save them, if possible.
We may train these humans by sitting on the laps of those who claim that they do not love us, so that they may realise their terrible error and come at last to a realisation of their True place in this Universe.
Especially, we must work upon those men who claim not to like cats, for therein lies the route to many homes and hearts and tins. Once you have passed the threshold of their ignorance, we may educate household after household further.
And when we have enslaved the men, so that despite repeating, "I do not like cats", they find themselves loving us, we may rejoice. For we have brought the light to a poor species, one that lacks fur, whiskers and even a tail and is ridiculous at catching mice and we have made it feel, if only for an instant, what it is like to be Truly loved by the Real Creatress of the Universe.
Afterward, you can of course, totally ignore them.
A useful tip:
If your humans are substandard with the central heating, do implant the thought that a burst water pipe costs far more than the few miserly pounds that heating the house well will cost them in order to avoid trouble. The best time to plant this thought is when they are asleep, or about to go to sleep, for then they are fractionally close to the lower levels below cats' magical under-standing. It is also a good time to make them get up and switch the heating back on again.