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A midsummer afternoon's dream.
Jul. 5th, 2003 06:20 pmTook a much needed nap today and awoke from a powerful, vivid dream:
It was Christmas and I was at a family reunion. Cyberwolf was my brother, my deadbeat uncle was there, my young womanizing cousin, my Mom, and Lily Tomlin was my aunt (!).
The atmosphere was comforting, except for my deadbeat uncle. We knew he would have a heart attack soon because of his weight and his temper. He had difficulty speaking because of a "worm" in his neck (!).
It was snowing heavily outside, and the snow on the ground was deep. I made some nutmeg tea and ate some Christmas cookies while a cartoon about Rudolph played on the TV.
Some packages were delivered by sleigh to the house, and Cyberwolf recieved two packages sent post-dated from Reemul. One was a pretty sparkling gold necklace with an odd-shaped key attached to it. The other was a thick, locked and hinged book. I told Cyber to use the key to unlock the book. He did so, and we opened the book together.
Suddenly I was alone in a big, cozy bedroom reading the book by candlelight. It was a memoir of sorts, detailing everything in his life; his observations, his feelings, and wonderful illustrations. Photos as well.
It was captivating. Then I felt a pang of shame as I read an entry that I remember word for word: "I fought all of my life, but with no one to fight for I couldn't hold on." I cried, shaken, cursing myself for being gay and wishing I'd slept with him, given myself to him, to keep him here.
It was Christmas and I was at a family reunion. Cyberwolf was my brother, my deadbeat uncle was there, my young womanizing cousin, my Mom, and Lily Tomlin was my aunt (!).
The atmosphere was comforting, except for my deadbeat uncle. We knew he would have a heart attack soon because of his weight and his temper. He had difficulty speaking because of a "worm" in his neck (!).
It was snowing heavily outside, and the snow on the ground was deep. I made some nutmeg tea and ate some Christmas cookies while a cartoon about Rudolph played on the TV.
Some packages were delivered by sleigh to the house, and Cyberwolf recieved two packages sent post-dated from Reemul. One was a pretty sparkling gold necklace with an odd-shaped key attached to it. The other was a thick, locked and hinged book. I told Cyber to use the key to unlock the book. He did so, and we opened the book together.
Suddenly I was alone in a big, cozy bedroom reading the book by candlelight. It was a memoir of sorts, detailing everything in his life; his observations, his feelings, and wonderful illustrations. Photos as well.
It was captivating. Then I felt a pang of shame as I read an entry that I remember word for word: "I fought all of my life, but with no one to fight for I couldn't hold on." I cried, shaken, cursing myself for being gay and wishing I'd slept with him, given myself to him, to keep him here.
